Grasshopper, grasshopper, go away

Ooksie kooksie coolama vee
Santia Urho is ta poy for me!
He sase out ta hoppers as pig as birds
Neffer peefor haff I hurd does words!
He reely told dose pugs of kreen
Braaffest Finn I effer seen!
Some celebrate for St. Pat unt hiss nakes
Putt Urho poyka kot what it takes.
He got tall and trong from feelia sour
Unt ate culla moyakka effery hour.
Tat's why day guy could sase does peetles
What crew as thick as chack bine needles.
So lets give a cheer in hower pest way
On this 16th of March, St. Urho's Tay!

I really hate dialect, so I have no idea why I'm succumbing to it on St. Urho's Day. Maybe it just feels appropriate to fell back on Finnglish when remembering St. Urho.

St. Urho is, of course, the well-known Finnish saint who expelled the grasshoppers from Finland and saved the wine crop.

Alternatively (and closer to reality), St. Urho is a totally fictitious character made up as a joke by some guys in Minnesota back in the 1950's. Urho means "hero" in Finnish so the name makes sense. Then again, maybe only a hero would be able to stomach eating fish stew (kalamojakka) once an hour.

And, for anyone curious enough to wonder about that first line, if it were actually in Finnish, it would read yksi, kaksi, kolme, viisi (one, two, three, five).