Defining nice

In the recent kerfuffle over the creation of Mount FOAD at the end of the county road, what I kept hearing from various people were variations on the "But he's such a nice guy!" You know, "But he'd never do that! I know the guy. He's a nice person." "He plays the organ at church." "He has a lovely family." I had an older guy tell me yesterday that he'd known the dude his whole life and "He's a nice kid." No one wanted to believe that the guy they knew personally could be a total jerk when he was operating a snowplow.

Without wading too far into the weeds, "But he's such a nice guy!" is the classic line that gets trotted out almost every time something happens that doesn't match up with how people close to the person in question see that person. Best sellers have been written about that disconnect.

The self people present depends a great deal on where they are and who they're interacting with. The guy who plays the organ every Sunday in church can be one person when he's socializing with other members of the congregation and completely different in a setting with people he does not know and sees no reason to be "nice" to. The fact one of your acquaintances is nice to you personally does not  mean he is equally nice to everyone he meets or has to deal with.

We all do it. When I'm volunteering at the museum I'm a whole lot friendlier when it's not noon yet and I'm actively hoping for visitors. Step into the museum right around the time we close, though, it's a crap shoot. I might not care that I'd just taken down the Open flag, but if it's been a tiring afternoon I could just as easily turn really cold in telling people we're closed for the day. One set of visitors, the ones I manage to put on the happy face for, are going to describe me as nice; the ones I turn away because it's 10 minutes after we've officially closed will probably have a different impression.

I've never been real keen on describing anyone as "nice" to begin with. What exactly does it mean? He's never kicked any puppies in your presence? He's willing to be a church usher? He's a Scout leader? Doesn't hold wild parties? Visits his elderly mother on a regular basis? Polite when spoken to? What "nice" usually turns out to mean is "he's nice to me." Could be an embezzler, a pervert, a drunk, whatever, but as long as he's nice when you're around, he's a nice guy.