Surely there's a Democrat somewhere who's not on Medicare

I was listening to the Michelangelo Signorile show on Sirius XM as I was coming home Friday afternoon, and once again people were speculating about Elizabeth Warren as a possible vice presidential candidate. Same thing on "Real Time" with Bill Maher that evening. Without even getting into all the strategic reasons why it would be a really bad idea to have two women running together (at least at this point in U.S. history), all I can say is Jesus Christ, isn't there at least viable Democratic candidate who's not eligible for Medicare?

Common sense tells me (but apparently no one else) that if people who vote for Democrats really believe that Hillary Clinton is going to win in November then they should be thinking a few years down the line: who's going to be around to run in 2020 or 2024? Because, let's face it, no one is getting any younger. Hillary is going to be doing good to make it through two terms -- she's about to hit 69, not exactly spring chicken category. Elizabeth Warren is slightly younger, but not by much. Bernie Sanders, who the Berners would really like to see in the V.P. slot, will be 75 in September.

Okay, I can kind of see tapping Bernie for the V.P. slot. It would be a nice Retired in Place slot for him. The past year has to have been exhausting for him; he deserves a comfortable retirement. He could spend a few years kicking back, going to the occasional state funeral, nodding off in the Senate waiting for the infrequent occasions when the V.P.'s vote is needed to break a tie, and providing colorful curmudgeonly quotes for the media. Because that's the other thing: the Vice Presidential slot has to be the most useless position in government. Unless the President dies in office, the V.P. gets to spend year after year doing basically nothing. No power, no real influence, just kind of hanging out in the background trying to suppress their Frank Underwood tendencies. A former vice president, John Nance Garner, described the job as "not worth a boot full of warm piss." That strikes me as pretty accurate. So why pull an effective progressive Senator like Warren out of the Senate -- a place where she's become increasingly influential -- and stick her in a job where she'd become an instant nonentity? She's got more good years left in her than Bernie -- the dude is going to be 75 in September. Seventy-five! -- and could accomplish a lot more if she's left where she is instead of wasting time being Hillary's understudy.

So why not tap one of the younger Democrats who's currently at loose ends when it comes to politics? Like Deval Patrick? or Martin O'Malley? Actually, Deval Patrick would be perfect. He's really not that young (hitting 60 this summer), but he doesn't look like a geezer. And he's black. I think it's pretty much a given that the Democrats have kissed the angry white guy vote goodbye so why not go all out?