Helpful hint for authors: don't name characters after gum disease

I've never been much of a Terry Brooks fan, but the S.O. and I have been watching "The Shannara Chronicles" on Netflix anyway. It has, if nothing else, decent production values. You know, the costumes and make-up are decent and the scenery where they film is nice. It's pretty to look at even if the plot lines, dialogue, and various other aspects are definitely howlers.

For those of you not familiar with Terry Brooks, he's an American author who's carved out a niche writing fantasy set in a distant future where civilization as we know it has crumbled and humanity has evolved/split into different races: elves, humans, gnomes, trolls, whatever. Magic is real; there are demons. The land is roughly divided into different regions where one race or another dominates. The first book in the series, Sword of Shannara, came out in 1977. I read it way back then, thought, well, that was mildly entertaining. Having been ruined by reading good writing, however, I don't think I ever sought out a Terry Brooks novel again. I have read excerpts in bookstores over the years, but never saw anything that inspired me to want to read a whole book again.

As to why I'm not impressed by Brooks, it comes down to me thinking his books should be shelved with the young adult material and not marketed to adults. Calling them simplistic is being kind.

But back to the television series. It's provided plenty of unintentional howlers, like in the most recent episode we watched a farmer is shown living in what bears a strong resemblance to an Apache wickiup, a kind of brush hut that looks like it was thrown together out of loose limbs as a temporary shelter. When danger approaches, however, he suggests they take shelter in a barn that looks exactly like any barn you'd find on a farm in Washington or Oregon now. You know, sturdily built from milled lumber. That's just a tad incongruous.

I also love the costuming, the beautiful elaborate leather work. Things have supposedly reverted to a pre-industrial society, but none of the clothing looks like it's being hand-stitched by peasants in a garret in the castle. Maybe it's made by gnomes in underground factories?

There is also the fact that the only transportation is by horseback but everyone and everything is apparently within a day's ride of everything else. In Season One there were some episodes where distances were sufficiently long that camping overnight a couple times was necessary, but they were the exception. Usually it's just jump on a horse (or walk really fast) and, wow, an hour or two later you're where you wanted to be. This season started off with the elf king going to visit the ruler of the human kingdom. Did his little caravan of retainers include any servants with pack horses and tents? Where was the luggage if they planned to be guests at the castle? Nothing. No baggage. Just a group of knights trotting along without even saddle bags or a blanket roll.

Stuff like that, incidentally, is why I bother watching. After viewing a crime show like "Bosch" or even just listening to the evening news, indulging in some totally unrealistic laughable fluff is good for a person's mental health.

The best part, though, may not be all the logical inconsistencies and the script writers' tendency to end every episode with multiple cliff hangers (will Allanon escape the Crimson? can King Ander grow a brain and recognize the traitors in his own entourage?). It's the names. It is hard to keep a straight face when there are characters named after gum disease (Pyorrhea, although in the show it's spelled Pyria), a country in Africa (Eritrea), and, of course, the friend of Bill, Ala-Non (Allanon). I know it can be tough to come up with good names for characters, but, dude, when in doubt reach for a Bible instead of a Dorland's Medical Dictionary or Rand McNally World Atlas. The Old Testament is loaded with archaic but not bizarre names.

Too late now, of course. Brooks has written about two dozen books all set in the Shannara universe.

Which makes me wonder: did Pyria have any sisters? You know, think of the possibilities. Menorrhea. Diarrhea. Gonorrhea. The mind boggles.